Unanswered Prayers Allow us to Enjoy the Best Later
By Susan Dempsey
Many of us have found love early in our lives. Some of us found our life’s partner in our twenties. Others of us have taken a few missteps first, but we eventually found that person destined to be ours. Some of us venture through the world pursuing careers or purpose and don’t worry about it. A select few choose to remain solo, feeling they have more to offer the world alone than if distracted by another.
As we walk through a labyrinth of rooms that are home to our personal histories, occasionally turning back and opening closed doors to peek in, we may wonder what could have happened if we’d taken a little different path. What if I’d chosen a different career? What if I had not broken up with that boy who had hurt my pride? Should I have forgiven him and moved on? Where would we be now? If that prayer had been answered at the time, how would my life have changed?
Others may have only missed opportunities. A guy thinks of the girl across the room at a party who he couldn’t see ever saying yes to a date with him. If he’d approached her, could they be together now? A girl remembers a young man who admired her, yet neither of them overcame the shyness that built a wall between them. Or young friends chose to remain platonically connected or face sure disaster and lose an important friendship. But those “what ifs” are the unanswered prayers that make us who we are, and they can lead us to blessings later.
I attended a cousin’s wedding this weekend that made my soul glad. Michael and his bride, Debra, are in their 60s, and for him this is a first lifetime commitment. Michael is soft-spoken and I had always thought of him as shy. But he’s not really. Since he started dating Debbie, he’s been ever-present on social media sharing daily puns with us all. He enjoys posting silly things and getting reactions (shades of his father, who loved to laugh, I’m sure). I’m not the only one who has seen this change, but those of us who have are both excited and happy for him. It may be later than for most, but it’s life-changing and joyous, nevertheless.
The wedding was held in a full small-town Methodist church sanctuary in central Wisconsin. The stained-glass windows on the sides were open to allow the cool breeze to enter. We found one empty spot in a pew near the front to witness the vows. Thoughts of my Uncle Roy and Aunt Beryl were at the fore of my mind, as they were in the thoughts of others. I looked over the hangings in the church, thinking, “I wouldn’t doubt one or two of these were stitched by her.” Several cousins commented that they’d be so happy today, and we were certain they were both present in that hallowed hall, contributing to the aura of joy.
The bridesmaids and groomsmen processed in and filled the space in front of the alter. I mused that the experienced wedding party was different from many weddings when 20-somethings join their friends in celebration. But then, the front pew on the bride’s side was filled with her children and grandchildren too. The siblings proudly stood and answered in unison when the pastor asked who presented the bride to be married. I was doing alright until I saw Gary, Michael’s older brother, with tears in his eyes. (And I remembered crying at my little brother’s wedding once upon a time as well.)
I smiled knowingly as the couple exchanged the vows and rings. I noted that she held herself carefully, as if she were concentrating on keeping her voice even and the tears from welling. The music I learned later was a surprise for them, chosen by the soloist as she knew it was perfect for them. An excerpt is here, and I quite agree:
And just when I
Thought love had passed me by
We met
That first look
In your eyes
I can’t forget
You melted me
With your tender touch
I felt all fear and sorrow
Slip away
Now here we stand
Hand in hand
This blessed day
From “I’ve Dreamed of You” by Ann Hampton Callaway
With a kiss, they’d become one and greeted all their well-wishers at the back of the church. But we didn’t have the chance to mill around outside the church, as the small narthex forced us out into the rain. So we dodged the drops and ran for our cars, to reconvene at the reception hall a few minutes away.
Our large, Norwegian/Danish family is known for enjoying wedding receptions. These days, we don’t have as many chances to visit with each other, so we took advantage of this chance to catch up and have a little fun over food and drink—interrupted occasionally by the clinking of spoons on glassware until the couple kissed again. (Those old traditions are corny, but they add to the celebration too.)
When the DJ started playing, we found ourselves dancing to some old tunes from our youth. Then the bride and groom were called to the floor. They chose Garth Brooks’s “Unanswered Prayers” for their first dance. That’s when I found myself thinking about the truth of that, and I decided to write this blog. If not for those blocked paths, we wouldn’t be here today, with these people. Mike and Debbie have finally found each other, and their joy is ours. As we watched them sway to the music, I believe I saw Mike singing to Debbie–or at least saying the words. The unanswered prayers may have been part of his life “before,” but they laid the groundwork. Now the most important one has been answered and a new life begins.
So don’t worry about not enjoying all your wishes after you blow out all your candles that seem to grow exponentially in number each year. Each ungranted request is a brick in your own path that will eventually lead to your life’s blessings. (And remember, even Dorothy wasn’t sure what lay at the end of her road to the Emerald City.) For some of us, it’s a straight, short walk. For the rest of us, it’s a meandering, branching, up and down-hill journey, but we’ll get there when it’s time.
