No one will argue the point that this Mother’s Day is unusual. While some are planning to visit their moms, I’ll be here in Missouri, sending my love and best wishes over the miles to my mom who is well-cloistered in an assisted living apartment in Wisconsin. It’s not like I visit every year, but just knowing that I can’t right now makes it different. And then in the opposite direction is my daughter, spending her very first Mother’s Day 200 miles away with her six-month old daughter—my grand-baby.
I will likely talk with them both on Sunday, perhaps even video chat. Mom and I played with Facebook messenger and successfully visited camera to camera today. It took a little creative coaching and work-arounds to get us both online together, as sometimes helping an inexperienced user discover technology remotely is like trying to teach someone how to light a match by describing the process over the phone. In the end, I video-called her, hung up, then told her to click on the “Redial.” That worked. That may not seem like much to a millennial, but for us it was sweet success. Seeing that smile that accompanied her sweet voice as she exclaimed, “There you are! Hello Sue!” was worth the effort.
At the other end of the smart phone line, my 30-something daughter teaches me the new ways to connect. Our latest is using Google Duo to enable my video visits with my granddaughter. I’ve watched her react to her first bite of banana baby food, I’ve played “trading raspberries” and I’ve seen her reach for me when she realizes that the Grandma in the little box is talking to her. My eyes fill with tears whenever she tries to “kiss” the phone goodbye.
No matter the generation, we need to uphold the past, relish the present and anticipate tomorrow’s sunrise together.
Our ways of connecting today may be different, but fostering the bonds between Mother and Daughter, Mother and Granddaughter, Grandmother and Granddaughter are worth the effort. No matter the generation, we need to uphold the past, relish the present and anticipate tomorrow’s sunrise together. Spend time sharing histories, enjoying our visits and embracing changes that enable us to continue living, no matter the situation outside our doors.
My grandmothers were strong women of the World War I generation, mothering through the Great Depression yet showing their children tender care when times were hard. My mom came of age at the end of World War II. She and Dad managed to teach by example while raising teenagers during the 60s and 70s; they were a tag-team of fair parenting. If it weren’t for their sense of humor, their patience and their integrity, all five of us may have become entirely different people. The world should thank them!
I’d like to think that I was well-equipped to become a parent during the late 80s, but hindsight now shows just how much I learned from my daughter and son every day.
I’d like to think that I was well-equipped to become a parent during the late 80s, but hindsight now shows just how much I learned from my daughter and son every day. I, along with most mothers of that time, tried to be tough, be caring, be cool and above all be correct in everything we did. After all, we had resources of experts and books to tell us how to do everything (except for all the things they didn’t cover). I learned I had to let myself “fail” once in a while and let my children grow on their own terms. Fortunately, they both succeeded, in spite of my shortcomings
As I watch my daughter interact with her baby girl, I marvel at how relaxed and focused she is. When I hear her coaching her little to reach out as she learns to crawl, I hear a depth of love in her encouraging voice that makes my throat swell and my eyes twitch. I know that she feels some insecurities at times—all mothers worth knowing do—but I feel that she knows when to listen to experience even while exploring some of the newer ways. She’s learning to walk that fine line and find her own rhythm that matches that of her situation and her baby’s needs. There are no one-size fits all parenting techniques any more than there are one-size prevents all leaks diapers.
I am sitting in the middle of these generations, pondering just how blessed I am to celebrate Mother’s Day as both a daughter and a mother, and now a grandmother. My wish for my Mom is that she continues to find her sense of balance and humor while keeping a safe distance. My wish for my daughter is that she have the joy in knowing all our history. May she realize in this quickly evolving landscape just how much a mother’s love remains constant.
Never worship too much the past, as our hindsight is only worth using if it enables us to ford through whatever the future holds. May all my fellow moms out there, of all generations, all sizes, all cultures enjoy this Mother’s Day. May it be unusual not just because we are living socially distanced lives, but because we all realize our worth and our place in history, the present and the future, as the glue that holds the world together.
Happy Mother’s Day.
